THE STRUGGLE WHICH IS INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA

Paul L. Mosweu

The journey to self- identity and acceptance to members of the LGBTIQ+ is daunting and full of hardships to say the least. One of the many challenges that a queer person may face from the onset is internalized homophobia. Internalized “phobias” can be described when someone from a minority group has personalized society’s fear and hatred of them. It can then be described as when a member of the LGBTIQ+ community willingly or unwillingly accepts and believes the homophobic comments and biases they have heard from society and applies those to themselves. This feeling, which is common to many, presents itself in many ways.

The hatred of society towards persons identifying as gay or non-heterosexual leaves those on the spectrum feeling like they have to hide their truest expression i.e. a gay man not showing a crumb of femininity due to the fear of the consequences of being viewed as gay. Society hasn’t been afforded the liberty to explore their sexuality and, even more hurtful, have been told that they are possessed by demons and evil spirits. Our communities and social media have been exposed to their antigay biasness.  This alone leads to members of the LGBTIQ+ being spiritually conflicted and ashamed. Internalized heterosexism as it is also known leaves the victim being incapable of acknowledging their sexuality due to the shame they feel, unacknowledging the role of heterosexists in the oppression of the LGBTIQ+ community. Furthermore, a person may project unreasonable heterosexist expectations on their partner and, most of the time, the person dislikes people who are proud and open in same-sex relationships and personal expression.

Identifying as gay traumatises some as they feel like their masculinity is compromised and they will lose the true essence of being a man. One may feel that being a man in a same-sex relationship means that one partner has to be less of a man and must present as the feminine counter-part while the one must present as masculine and the provider.

Another clear example of internalised homophobia is the discomfort or the fear of being amongst other gay people. This normally applies when a closed queer person feels like the more expressive and out queer people are “too much, too feminine” in their expression. An example is a gay man who applies make-up and is not shy to go into public spaces with it. The true fact of the matter from what I have found out is that the individual dealing with heterosexism is scared of being associated with the more expressive queer person, as people in society may conclude that the former is also queer or gay.

A way internalized homophobia may present itself is when a queer person, e.g. a gay man is repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable people; an example of this may be a gay man who also happens to “be in love with a straight acquaintance.” If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to unavailable males, it may be the result of internalized homophobia. Tthese examples clearly show the internalized homophobia that same-sex couples have and the need for them to constantly and consistently uphold heterosexist stereotypes in their relationships. The effects or aftermath of heterosexism give light to the pain and challenges endured by those that fall victim to this.

Firstly, the victims of internalised homophobia experience poor quality romantic relationships. This is not surprising given the examples above. The quality of their relationships is sabotaged by their inability to accept their sexuality, thus making it harder to find joy and true love as they have been told by society the biases and homophobic comments that they believe in. Furthermore, identity concealment is another effect of internalised homophobia. Those who encounter internalized anti-gay prejudice may try to hide their orientation, which can make it difficult to find love or feel safe and which can lead them to not receiving comprehensive health services as they are not comfortable with disclosing their sexual orientation.  Mental health illnesses such as depression and anxiety may be an indication of the results of internalised heterosexism. One may excessively worry about their own feelings and the views and perception that society has about them. These prolonged feelings of one believing the homophobic comments may leave one thing there is no way out and develop suicidal thoughts. However, those struggling with internalized homophobia may seek guidance and help from trusted allies, the LGBTIQ+ community, therapy and understanding they too are worthy of the love their heterosexual counterparts have.