I Am Sorry Is Not Enough

Tapiwa Lephojane

Sexual and gender-based violence is still one of the most rampant issues in the queer community besides the strife for freedom and respect of LGBTIQ+ rights in Botswana. The Queer community faces various forms of abuse such as verbal, physical and sexual abuse as well as forced into marriages within their daily lives from loved ones and the society. This abuse occurs due to their gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation. It is important we understand the manifestation of this violence, its effects and reporting. Furthermore, we have to note the efforts made to combat sexual and gender-based violence and how everyone can join in on these efforts.

We have realised that family violence is the is most rampant for queer community. The gender-based violence that we see is in situations where trans persons or non-binary persons are experiencing violence and abuse from loved ones. Their family members would not be supportive of their identity, how they dress and for some, their transitioning journey. Gender-based violence inflicted by the society involves experiences of corrective rape when someone is trying to come out to their families or friends. Gay men also experience physical abuse in their relationships but find it hard to report because they would not be out to their parents.

The number of people reporting assault in Botswana are growing every day and such behaviour affect their mental health, reproductive health and others give up in life because of how their families are treating them. The violence leads to queer individuals being depressed and isolating themselves. The isolation is dangerous because it removes them from people who can give them support and the will to live. This then makes it easy for victims to commit suicide. Sexual and gender-based violence also affects victims physiologically; their ability to bear children because of stress and physical-sexual can be affected. This also affects one’s mental health.

Sexual and gender-based violence cases go unreported. We do encourage the LGBTIQ+ community to speak out and report the cases and commit to zero gender-based violence. It is evident that we still have queer persons that do not report the violence that they face from loved ones due to fear of being chased away from home. Some do not report the abuse inflicted by their partners because they apologise to them. LGBTIQ+ individuals who are unemployed also desist from reporting because of the fear of being homeless.  The LGBTIQ+ community is also not reporting because they don’t feel comfortable disclosing those things because there is a lot of shame and stigma around that

LEGABIBO has had various response systems aimed at assisting victims of sexual and gender-based Violence. It holds some support group meeting and sensitizes the community about gender-based violence. It also opened safe house for the queer community members that have been chased away from home.  

To help stop Gender Based Violence lets encourage the victims to report violence and let’s stand with them until the end. We should encourage them to not pull cases from police or court because the perpetrator apologised.  They should know that I am sorry is not enough, it’s okay for the preparator to ask for forgiveness but as the victim that should not stop you from reporting that person as they likely won’t stop the violence. They should face the punishment they deserve. Even when a relative is the perpetrator or the family sides with the preparator, queer persons should not be afraid to reach out to the police or organisations that fight sexual and gender-based violence. As a queer person, LEGABIBO will always be open to help you. It is also important to be independent and not depend on our partners as they will just abuse you. They rely on the knowledge that you won’t go anywhere as they are the ones providing for you and to report them won’t be easy. Parents should stand with their children and teach them about gender-based violence at an early age and to encourage them to report if there is someone abusing them. More than anything, abusers should be addressed and encouraged to stop their abusive behaviours rather than us pushing messages of independence of victims.